More laws, more government

The Bills that didn't make it into the Queen's Speech - this year, anyhow.

I suspect there'd be plenty of takers for it on the Labour benches.  More laws and more government only creates a political appetite for yet more laws and more government.   

1.  Happy Families Bill - a law to ensure all families are Happy Families by complying with ministerial guidelines.  A new panel of independent experts - FAMOF - will issue appropriate rules on things like how much pocket money to give the kids, when to let them watch the X Factor and conflict resolution over who last had the remote controls.  

The Bill allows inspectors to visit families and ensure full compliance.

2.  Healthy Eating Bill - Now that Ed Balls runs all our schools so successfully, the government wants to extend the same model to ensure everyone eats properly.  This means a national menu - which, as with the school curriculum, will be designed to allow maximum flexibility around a slimmed down, compulsory core shopping list.  Without minimum national standards on the content of your fridge, social cohesion could break down entirely. 

There are to be catchment areas for supermarkets, meaning that you will have to shop at your local supermarket (localism).  This will ensure fairness.  Ministers will issue detailed guidance to supermarkets on what food they can stock in order to ensure people only eat what is appropriate.  Tough new rules will allow ministers to force failing supermarkets to be turned around.  

3.  Something-for-Nothing Economic Recovery Bill - this measure will allow the government to print lots more money to solve the debt problem.  And give it to bankers.  And borrow more, too.  Kind of like they do already.  

4.  Appropriate Regulation Bill - a law to ensure that government can identify and target areas of public life that are not yet regulated appropriately.  Dangerous loop holes currently allow some people to do things without supervision.  This Bill will hand independent officials new powers to issue statutory instruments, without the need for wasteful debates.

5.  Democratic Renewal Bill - this Bill will strengthen democracy by ensuring all democratically elected officials answer to a panel of experts and human rights judges.  A new independent regulator - the Supreme Court - will replace the outdated regulatory system known as elections, which involved voters.  Instead, a properly representative regulator will ensure that elected officials address issues that are of key concern to those who write for the Guardian or work at the BBC - and comply fully with guidelines issued by the Equality Commission.

Posted on 18 November 2009 by Douglas Carswell

Comments

The scary thing is that had a newspaper printed a spoof front page claiming that those Bills were included in the Queen's Speech, a lot of people would have believed them, and many more would have to check to make sure it wasn't real.

A great shame that the Queen didn't throw the speech on the floor and declare that "One can't face reading this rubbish. One hereby dissolves Parliament".

Posted on 18 November 2009 15:23 by David Hough

One dreads to think what Her Majesty must feel about reading out Labour's arrant drivel.

Something like this, perhaps?

http://dungeekin.blogspot.com/2009/11/reading-labours-list.html

D

Posted on 18 November 2009 15:26 by Dungeekin

I wish she had David!

Posted on 18 November 2009 15:31 by kathleen

They are trying very hard to make this come true.I am truly scared of this government.

Posted on 18 November 2009 16:01 by Tony Bolger

Well Home Educators have put parliament on notice:

http://freedomineducationunderthreat.blogspot.com/2009/11/notice-to-parliament.html

If this law gets through you better have plenty of empty prison cells for us :(

Posted on 18 November 2009 16:37 by Techla Wood

Parents of schooled children are in for one huge shock if that Children, Schools and Families Bill gets through. They had better wake up soon and get proactive or they will be joining us home educators in the prison cells .
*Home School Agreements* oh the irony of the terminology!

Posted on 18 November 2009 17:14 by Raquel Toney

"Dangerous loop holes currently allow some people to do things without supervision"

I actually laughed out loud at this one. Funny because it's true.

Posted on 18 November 2009 17:47 by Mark M

The very, very sad thing about your parody is that its barely parody at all. It could easily, easily happen. Horrible.

Posted on 18 November 2009 19:30 by Steve Tierney

You have forgotten to mention the "Correct Terminology Bill", which defines the appropriate words to use and thus avoid political incorrectness and upsetting disadvantaged people and ethnic minorities. Such words as "Christian" and "Catholic" will be replaced with "Infidel" and the word "family" with "co-habiting group of adults and children". The newly prepared list recently provided by ACPO will be added by means of an amendment.

Posted on 18 November 2009 21:21 by Brian E.

These items should make it into an election campaign to let people know what Labour has on its horizon should they be stupid enough to vote Labour.

Posted on 19 November 2009 02:02 by http://faustiesblog.blogspot.com

But they do have the We Guarantee the next Govenment will balance the budget like we couldn't Bill; We guarante the Next Government will give everybody an Above Average Education Bill. They have already passed the Guarantee the 18th Government Down the Line Will Abolish Fire Bill.

Posted on 19 November 2009 11:11 by Neil Craig

Have you read 'The Road To Serfdom'? It explains why socialism will never really be democratic.

Posted on 19 November 2009 20:49 by Chris T

And MPs will select a second home near a Waitrose.

Posted on 24 November 2009 19:18 by Joe Public

Brian E at 21:21,

Its not 'disadvantaged people' anymore. Its 'vulnerable people' or 'vulnerable communities'.

Posted on 25 November 2009 11:57 by ReefKnot

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